1985

1985, directed by Yen Tan in 2018, is a film that has always held a certain place in my heart since watching it for the first time not long after its debut. I was a huge fan of the Fox show Gotham and once I learned three of the actors, including one of the few LGBT actors on the show, were featured in this film, I had to see it. And it broke my heart. As a young teenage LGBT individual, fighting in an unaccepting family in an unaccepting town to do the bare minimum of survival, this film immediately struck a chord in my heart.

It's a short film about a gay man named Adrian Lester returning home to a small town in Texas where his conservative and religious family resides for the first time in several years. The setting is in a very conservative town during the rise of the AIDS crisis when there was still very little known about it. We soon find out the reason he's returned home is to see his family for Christmas as he's been diagnosed with AIDS himself and wasn't sure if that would be his last Christmas ever.

It touches on his relationship with his family in depth in a way that truly puts you through all relationship possibilities you meet when being gay in an unaccepting family. His relationship with his younger brother, Andrew, who is unaware of his situation, and trying to rekindle that relationship that was tarnished when Adrian left home for years and broke promises he made to his brother. His relationship with his mother, Eileen, who he was most scared of hurting with this information as she was very religious and involved in the church, just to learn she is fairly accepting and willing to learn as some of her final words to him before he leaves again are, "You know... You don't have to tell me until you're ready. And I'll try to be ready when you are." And of course, the relationship most LGBT youth are afraid of, the relationship with his father, Dale, a strict and stern man who doesn't quite understand how to connect with his sons who aren't into the stereotypical manly activities at the time. A heart to heart shared between the two is truly heartbreaking to watch, where Dale divulges in the fact that he knows Adrian had been let go and how, when driving by Adrien's home in New York, he saw him outside his house holding and kissing another man. He tells him, "Don't tell your mother. It will break her heart." Dale believes that he doesn't accept it and no one else will.

Of course, I'm not an adult man in 1985 dealing with AIDS, but this still hit very close to home for me. His relationship with his father is very similar to mine with my grandparents which is always heartbreaking to see, as I grew up very close to them and when I told them how I identified, it did not blow over well. I wasn't allowed at their home for several months and I have never quite had the same relationship with them. Nevertheless, this movie gives me hope. To see how his mother reacted and the relationship he's able to rebuild with his brother, it's almost inspiring. It helps to know that people not accepting me isn't the end of the world because there are people out there who will.

From a film analysis standpoint this movie is beautiful. It's filmed in black and white with very heavy grain which helps to remind you the year it's supposed to portray. This black and white film style is also very well used to portray emotion used. Some very intense scenes utilize the darkness a lot more, almost as if it's engulfing the characters, while lighthearted moments are so bright and riveting. The only downside to this movie that I have to touch on is the stiffness of the script. It's sometimes confusing and hard to follow and the script has lack of flow at times but I personally feel as though the actors truly find ways to make up for it. They show such chemistry that I truly hope to one day be able to portray.

This movie is so impactful for me and I hope one day more people watch it and feel the same movement I feel. To finish this review, I'd like to leave you with the closing monologue Adrien records for his brother that Andrew listens to after Adrien leaves for presumably the last time.

"You're gonna have some tough days; days where you feel like everything sucks, and you don't wanna get out of bed; days when you gonna feel like you just don't belong. I've had a lot of those days. And I want you to know; you are not the only one that feels the way you do. There's a whole world out there for someone like you. I promise you are not as different as you think you are. And mom and dad that might not get it; all of your friends might not get it either, and some of them might say some pretty mean and awful things, because they just don't get it. But I get it, and I know that you're gonna learn to be happy... with who you are. And you may need to be at another place to be happy, and you know what? That's okay; that's why I left home. It might seem like the hardest thing to do at first , but it might be the right thing for you to do. And in another time, at another place, you're gonna meet the right people; people that are just like you. People that are just like me. So hang in there, Andrew. Things tend to get a little darker before they get brighter."